gossip

Alabama
It’s illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Alaska
Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited.

Arizona
Cutting down a cactus may earn you a twenty-five-year prison term.

Arkansas
It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.

California
You may not eat an orange in your bathtub.

Colorado (Denver)
It’s unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor .

Connecticut
A pickle cannot actually be a pickle unless it bounces.

Delaware
It’s illegal to get married on a dare.

Washington, D.C.
It’s against the law to post a public notice calling someone a coward for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.

Florida
If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle.

Georgia
It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first.

Hawaii
All residents may be fined for not owning a boat.

Idaho
A man must not give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing fewer than fifty pounds.

Illinois (Chicago).
It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera

Indiana
The value of pi is 4,
and not 3.1415.

Iowa
One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Kansas (Natoma).
It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits

Kentucky
Every citizen is required to take a shower once a year.

Louisiana
Biting someone with your natural teeth constitutes simple assault, but biting someone with your false teeth classifies as aggravated assault.

Maine
If you keep your Christmas decorations on display after January 14, you’ll be fined.

Maryland (Baltimore).
It’s against the law to wash or scrub a sink, no matter how dirty it is

Massachusetts
No gorilla is allowed in the backseat of any car.

Michigan
A woman may not cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

Minnesota (Harper Woods)
It’s illegal to paint a sparrow with the intent of selling it as a parakeet .

Mississippi (Temperance).
Walking a dog without dressing it in diapers is forbidden

Missouri
Children may buy shotguns in Kansas City, but not toy cap guns.

Montana
It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.

Nebraska
Bar owners may not sell beer unless they brew a kettle of soup simultaneously.

Nevada
It’s illegal for men with mustaches to kiss women.

New Hampshire
It’s forbidden to sell the clothes you’re wearing to pay off a gambling debt.

New Jersey
It’s against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

New Mexico
Females may not appear unshaven in public.

New York
While riding in an elevator, you must talk to no one, fold your hands, and look toward the door.

North Carolina
It’s against the law to sing off-key.

North Dakota
It’s illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

Ohio
You must honk the horn whenever you pass another car, according to the state’s driver’s education manual.

Oklahoma
It’s forbidden to take a bite out of another person’s hamburger.

Oregon
State law requires dishes to be drip-dried.

Pennsylvania
It’s illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

Rhode Island
You may not bite off another person’s leg.

South Carolina
If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise.

South Dakota
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

Tennessee
Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden.

Texas
You may not shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

Utah
It is illegal not to drink milk.

What a sight that was .. a West Mercia Riot Wagon (cage-shields and all) reversed into the Lych-gate, and no fewer than 3 fully-uniformed PCs (including stab-jackets, florescent vests, CS sprays, batons, handcuffs, etc) standing around .. waiting.

To check the flow of the traffic through the village .. .. at 2:00pm in the afternoon .. .. WHEN THE SCHOOL HAD CLOSED FOR THE HOLIDAYS .. .. and no parents were collecting their children.

At least, those still alive and living in Belbroughton .. 'cos those (still) breathing are keeping a VERY careful eye on the weather vanes .. that is, since the sewage treatment plant went on the blink !
Advice:
Switch your Air-Con OFF as you pass through .. otherwise Belbroughton will 'linger-longer' in your car, as you speed to your destination.

Arriving at the village from the Stourbridge main road (now restricted to less than the national speed limit for open roads) takes one past a hideous succession of large, reflective, count-down boards (perhaps they need help counting to three ?) before the (much smaller) 30 mph signs .. .. and then the (large) flashing 30 mph "reminders" (which can distract you even if you're 'proceeding' at a legal speed).
What a mess !

It will never happen in 'leafy, rural Chaddesley Corbett' .. .. 'cos we've got a Parish Council with a track-record of removing excess, redundant and useless signage.

Apart from .. .. the massive, yellow, flashing school warning signs with their solar panels .. .. and the extra notices for the (new) Brockencote Hall .. .. (and the flight-path for their helicopters ?) .. .. and

Perhaps the Government's being REALLY clever .. by raising the notional 'national speed limit' to 80 mph .. but restricting all individual roads to 50 mph or less .. .. ?

Today we mourn the passing of our old friend, Common Sense, who was our good friend and guide these many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were lost long ago by bureaucrats.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as .. knowing when to come in from the rain .. why the early bird catches the worm .. why life isn't always fair .. and that, maybe .. it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (do not spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer painkillers, to apply sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student, but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became ridiculed, churches registered as businesses and criminals got better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you could not defend yourself from a burglar in your home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense became confused when he read such injunctions as "This packet of nuts may contain .. nuts", and, at a fish-mongers, "This shell-food may contain .. shells".

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman, failing to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son Reason.
He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I am A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because few realised he was gone.
If you can't remember him .. you're in the majority .. and need do nothing.!

Why ! What a lot we got !
Vans parked on the grass verges on Briar Hill, that is.

Not that there's anything wrong in that .. after all, a man's got to work .. and, if he lives in 'leafy, rural Chaddesley Corbett', he's got to have a vehicle to get to (and from, of course) his place of work.

There was an excellent interview on Radio 5 recently where a London tradesman asked an earnest 'Green' campaigner how he was expected to get his ladders on the Tube !

But you'd think that the Parish Council might dip into their (very full) coffers and spend a little of our cash on somewhere, secure, in the village to park them ?

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

6. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was 'write-protected'. (CIO of Dell Computers)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. "How About Friday?" My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

10. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

11. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

12. Speaking the Same Language: As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophilia?) working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired - and the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary, and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)